Shameless is fucking brilliant
Whether you live in the UK or not you must watch Shameless.
It’s on CH4.
Fucking brilliant.
This is UK drama/comedy at its best.
Motor Boat
I just found out what this means.
To bury one’s face in some giant jugs and shake your face back and forth while blowing out, and making a hubababa sound!
Weird
Having an early night
I know what you’re thinking – “she’s got a man with her”.
Wrong!
He left ten minutes ago!!
Wow. What a great shag we had. It was VERY satisfying.
And do you know, he was so sweet, he even made the bed afterwards.
I’m seeing him again tomorrow. He’s cooking dinner.
Hmmmmm. Life is sweet.
Time now for some nice relaxing clit-flicking while I catch up with Coronation Street.
I’ll be thinking of you.
Sit Or Squat
I’m including this as a public service announcement.
There’s a website called sitorsquat.com and it will give you details of public toilets in any locale. You can even (thankfully) access it on your mobile phone.
Don’t get caught short.
Spray On Viagra PSD502
Not sure what to make of this – might even be a hoax – but there’s a new “spray on viagra” for men which not only improves erectile function but also makes sex last longer. It’s called PSD502.
And here’s where I’m having doubts – they say it can make sex last up to three and a half minutes, where it previously was all over in 36 seconds.
Sources cited are Professor Wallace Dinsmore and Royal Victoria Hospital, Belfast.
We shall see ……..
Penis Size Doesn’t Matter
I know that some of you guys worry that you don’t match up. You look at the porn sites and see all the big dicks and something inside you just shrivels up. You want a bigger dick.
Listen. You’re fine as you are. Don’t worry.
And especially don’t fall prey to the ads for penis enlargement.
Listen. I’m a girl and I know about this stuff.
I wouldn’t care if your dick was two inches long. It’s not what you’ve got – it’s who you are.
Let me give you an example. One night I met a really lovely guy who made me laugh and I felt drawn to him. But each time I kissed or caressed him he shrunk away from me. Looking back, I know what the problem was. But at the time I didn’t know that he had a really small cock and felt inferior.
I felt so drawn to him that when the club closed I asked him back to my place. We’d been getting on so well that I thought he’d jump at the chance, but he started making excuses. He had to get up early tomorrow, his old mother might have left a message on his answerphone – he clearly didn’t want to come back with me, nor did he want to tell me why.
But I persisted and I almost dragged him back to my flat.
Once inside, I offered him a stiff drink and he accepted. He downed it in one. I offered him another drink and he downed that in one. This guy was far from relaxed. But he was getting pissed.
I offered him another drink and he slugged it back and then poured himself a drink, then another drink, and another. I lost count.
By now he was ready for anything but totally incapable.
He sank down on the sofa and – phut! – he was out like a light.
I know I shouldn’t have done it, but my curiosity got the better of me and I unzipped his fly. I felt around and located the flap on his Y-Fronts and then flipped out his cock. And it was tiny. I mean – REALLY tiny. It was a button mushroom.
Now, I’m a girl with standards. standards of hygiene, that is. So I went and got my wet-wipes and I gave that little sucker a good clean. Then I slipped a condom over it – and let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. But I managed. Then I took his little cock in my mouth and sucked it. And it started to grow. That little button mushroom expanded in my mouth. Before long it was four inches long and then – POW – he came.
I felt so good.
I’m not so sure about what he felt ….
The next morning, really early, he left. He wrote me a note.
“Dear Candyo, Thanks for everything. Sorry I couldn’t stay. Things to do.”
He didn’t even try to see me again. He was so controlled by the size of his prick that he turned his back on me without even asking what I thought.
If he’d known what happened, things could have been different.
Couldn’t they?
Never too old
My old granny is a porn star (maybe – maybe not!!)
You could spot her on this site.
Jacqui Smith Porn False Claims Fetish
Downing Street has yet to confirm that Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, has acted within the guidelines of the “false claims” fetish protocol.
Ardent wankers are poised, vaseline and calculators at the ready, for Jacqui Smith to utter those defining words - “authorise this, big boy”.
PS – Do I blame her husband for knocking one out to porn?
No!
If she’d spent more time at home (ie the home for which she claimed nearly £23k in expenses) then, perhaps, there wouldn’t have been a problem in the first place.
I say “perhaps” because she’s a fucking awkward bitch.
Sword swallowing = deep throat
How many times have people watched a male sword swallower and said “That was good”
Would they be so appreciative if they saw a cynical angel gobble down a 16 inch dildo?
Women want honesty
I’m not preaching, guys.
And I’m sure that most of you can satisfy a woman without my help.
But I want to pass on a little tip.
Just in case you feel the need.
Women want honesty.
That’s it.
